This is a question I get asked at least once from every mom of an adult substance user I’ve ever coached and/or in every mastermind, webinar, class, podcast etc. And, the answer is pretty simple and not-so-simple at the same time. Simple: if you want something in your life to change, you are the one who will have to change it. Not-so-simple: what should I change, how do I change, when do I change, where do I change?
Change is not always welcome or easy for most people but, if we have a mindset that change is inevitable and that actually, we are changing every second of every day it can help us to embrace change more easily and by extension, what we need (or want) to change. For me, staying open and curious about all opportunities for change helps me feel differently about change – not always easy (nor am I successful all the time) but, I like thinking about the possibilities and opportunities – I know I will inevitably learn something new (good, bad, or otherwise).
So… by now you are probably wondering what kind of changes I’m alluding to. Well…to share a few, they were changes in the way I communicated with my SU (substance user). They were changes in the way I thought about myself. Changes in the way I treated myself. Changes in the way I responded to new circumstances that came up with my SU.
As a mom of an adult child with substance use issues change was an absolute must if I wanted to have any semblance of peace back in my life. There was a lot of experimenting, reading, failing, training, learning, frustration and success (yep, success too). So, I know it’s possible and it can, and did make a difference in my life. Not everyone liked the changes but, that was okay. My changes were about me, my peace of mind and my desire to get my life back again.
Remember mom, you matter.
